After Dropping the Thimble, Monopoly Keeps Current by Adding New “Broken Economy” Play Style

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On Thursday, players of the popular Hasbro game, Monopoly, were shocked to hear that their least favourite play token was retired from gameplay in lieu of the addition of potentially more modern game pieces such as emojis or hashtags.

Today, Hasbro revealed that the token switch was just the first of many “new and exciting” upcoming game changes to be released in the revamped capitalist board game this spring.

A new elective play mode, deemed the “21st Century Broken Economy Model” reflects accurately to the challenges and obstacles faced by many of our undervalued North Americans struggling to realize the existence of the American Dream.

Players will begin by rolling the dice to accumulate wealth. Players rolling a 1-5 will start the game with just enough money to pay rent while players who roll a six will multiply that amount by 100 while simultaneously throwing insults to players collecting handouts from the “Community Chest” government. The wealthy players also receives a special weighted die to use for the remainder of the game that continues to roll either fives or sixes.

Players will maneuver the game board carefully trying to get by as the wealthy players slowly accrue each property, raising rent prices each turn.

A new gender inequality wage gap will be introduced, challenging female players to collect a meagre $157 upon passing “Go”, a reflection of the 78.6% income ratio reported in 2014, while players who identify as visible minorities draw cards from a special “Chance” deck with 8 fun new descriptor cards all reading “You were spotted in the wrong neighbourhood. Go to Jail. Go directly to Jail.”

Players also have the opportunity to spin a brand new “American Dream” wheel by paying a tenth of their remaining finances for a small chance to win a dream vacation and put their piece on “Go” to leave the game for three turns.

The game is over when either every character gives up or the wealthiest player draws the “Elected as United States President Card”.

Hasbro is excited about the new changes and is looking forward to introducing this more realistic style of gameplay to fans worldwide this spring. Pre-orders for the game have already begun on their website.

Play the game Senator Bernie Sanders is calling “incredibly unfair” this spring and order today!

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